I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
