The maid of honor just puked.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
my liver is dry heaving
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
