Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
you had me at cake vodka
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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