I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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