I'm jealous of your bromance
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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