She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
