5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
