I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
