And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
