felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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