what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
