Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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