Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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