pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
