We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
