Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
