You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
