you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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