Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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