there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
