so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
