Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
