The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
