I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize