I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
