Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Randomize
