unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
