the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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