I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
