forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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