He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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