Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize