kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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