She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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