Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
