Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
