Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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