You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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