She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
