For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
