Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
