I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize