So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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