i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
