So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
