dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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