someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
