In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
