yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
