It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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