dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm just crazy horny about you
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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