life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
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