Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
