Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize