So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
