I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
