i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
