Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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