I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
