My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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