the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
