thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
