I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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