But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
