It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
its liver damage thursday
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize