why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
