she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
