Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
