i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
