I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
