I should be sponsored by Trojan
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize