I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
