I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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