Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
