discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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