you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
