Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
