Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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