just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
