he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
COCAINE IS GR8
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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