God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
