he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
