It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
