im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
