Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
