As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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