Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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