I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize