Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
