i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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