9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
