I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
