Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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