I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Lo siento on account of my penis...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
