My underwear smells like fireworks.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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