Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
