Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
