ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
