Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
