she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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