He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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