you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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