He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
