Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
