he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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