I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
