Your dad touched me again.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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